in with the good

This is a season of crossroads and transformations, revelations, fast changes little changes, and i embrace them all. Sadly with these changes i can foretell that there are some people i need to give my love and bid a farewell. I am not bidding YOU a farewell, No, but i am making it known that i have been making changes socially for the betterment of living, before i go on my deleting spree. 

However long or short ppl have been part of this crazy existence, you have made a difference be it good or bad. My journey is long and i dont know where i may end up, and i do not want to drag ppl down the madness that may ensue. I cannot explain why i am the way i am to everyone. I am an acquired taste, that i understand very well. I am humbled by the sum of my experiences, and i am inspired by changes everyday. It is not about dragging the bag of bones across the floor. It is not about ruminating and sympathizing. 

It is about one's journey to come into their own, living life by your own terms. This is not everyone's motto, and for those who want it they cannot seem to reach for it. Well, i have crossed that bridge FINALLY. To the naked eye i may be a weepy, angry poetic nut..but i make more sense to myself than i EVER have. I love to live. I love to laugh, and i am pretty damn funny too. If i don't ask ppl to change who they are, why ask so of me? Am i making sense?

I was fifteen, lying on the floor bleeding and crying after another lashing. I looked up at mom and asked her if she loved me. I received a spit on my face and an answer that resonates in my head til today:

'I will love you if you lose weight. i will love you more if you get good grades. I will love you if you know how to be a good daughter' 

That was one tiny piece of the past. After living that life, i want to be proud of who i am, 
and if anyone stands in my way..I'm sorry, you've got to go. I have been pleasing people far too long. So if you hear from another, that i am not speaking with her/him..you will know why. 

Step into the new world, 
old memories I bid you farewell.
its time to come out of the shell, 
of hidden pain and dismal thoughts,
i bid you farewell

Today a fresh hope I have felt, 
to you unfulfilled dreams farewell.
Today I am born new you can tell, 
my past to you I bid farewell