oh life!

Life can be terrible complicated and yet oh so simple. I cherish the simple days, todays was one of them. A quiet Sunday, woken up by no alarm clocks, a simple brunch with Su..a trip down to Borders..then back to home. Suresh has been on leave for 2 weeks, spending time with him during work-weeks is near to impossible. He is an Educational therapist for special needs children (and i daresay he is a pro at his job!) and as much as loves the kids, he gets really drained out by the end of a day. He works with a big group of kids and his colleagues are great but his boss is quite the slave-driver and sadly (for the kids) a shrewd calculative businesswoman. I don't normally people-bash but this lady is really quite horrific.

Had to nip into Borders to buy books pertaining to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The latest module studies this form of therapy in detail, and my assignment is pending...i should have started 2 weeks ago but oh Su was on leave and I just didn't have the heart to not spend time with him! Next time we'll have time like this will be sometime next year..no year-end holidays sadly because i'll be working on another module then :( So i bought 3 books on CBT and hehe had to buy a fiction book..its like depriving a kid in a candystore! I bought F.Scott Fitzgerald's short stories that included Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I just loved the movie, an old man who is a baby, imagine that! I could relate to some themes in the story- of being lonelier than others just for being different, of knowing beyond what you would expect to know at a given age. I look young'ish but most friends will tell you I'm an old soul. Plenty of times i believe i'm not meant to be of this day and age, because I struggle with globalism's after-effects..but i would not have had the opportunities i've been given. Being a minority in Singapore you appreciate its equal opportunity system. Its odd being Me - I feel akin to India but feel like a total stranger when i'm there or amidst my own, I feel totally at ease in Singapore but do not agree with its ways of life. The lack of personal time, personal space..the pursuit of material gains, financial gains. Half of the time my friends are talking about the laptop they just 'pimped up', the Prada coat they bought, the exclusive locations for dinner. These 'ideals' give them plenty to talk about in a group, and when I walk in saying I dislike being brand-conscious and I do not aspire to buy the most talked about tech-savvy item, i get odd looks. Hmph.

Anyway, so after Borders we slipped into a cab and had dinner at home. I am a very unmotivated cook so we usually eat takeout..im really going to try to change this habit. The hubby cooks like a chef but he is so pooped after work, cant blame the guy. We sat down talking about how crazy our lives have been over the years and that after 2 years of marriage it seems to be settling bit by bit. Its a toughie bcos of my past - the dysfunctional family background, the physical/emotional abuse by folks, having nervous breakdowns and trying to bail out on life on numerous occasions, seeing myself through university and now beyond postgraduate studies, falling in love with 'the one' and sticking to my guns no matter what the folks had to say abt him. And this is just the tip of my life's iceberg mind you. I am pretty sure thats why i feel so tired with life sometimes even at age 27! My leg injuries add on to the fatigue..they're life-long injuries and i will talk abt em another time.

The whole point of this entry is that as i was moaning about the deep pain in my feet on my way home, the cab was at a traffic stop nearing my flat. An old, wobbly kneed Chinese uncle (in Singapore, we call all elders brother/sister, auntie/uncle out of respect of the various cultures and generations) held a bag of groceries in one hand and a walking-aid in the other , patiently waiting for the traffic signal to turn green later on because there wasn't enough time left before the signal turned red. I put my head down in embarassment - here I was complaining. I do feel heartened that i did notice how silly my 'woes' were, it stopped me from fretting right then. If i could have gotten outta the cab i would have helped him across the street.

So I'll live to do a good deed today, and pray for commonsense in my sorrows.

Til my next entry, much love xxx